What I Wish More People Knew About Therapy

Some thoughts from a therapist about what therapy is really like.

When I tell people I'm a therapist, I sometimes get asked what I actually do.

Do I just sit and listen to people?

Do I tell people what to do?

Do I have all the answers?

And I get it. If you've never been to therapy before, it can be difficult to know what to expect.

I think there are lots of ideas about therapy and what happens in that room. Some people imagine lying on a sofa talking about their childhood, while others might think it's all about being asked how they feel.

And whilst talking about our feelings can be part of it, therapy is so much more than that.

So, as a therapist, here are a few things I wish more people knew about therapy.

You don't have to know what's wrong

One of the things I hear quite often is:

"I don't really know what I need therapy for."

Or:

"I don't know where to start."

And that's okay.

You don't need to have everything worked out before you come to therapy.

You might know that something doesn't feel right. Perhaps you're feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stuck or not quite yourself.

Maybe you've been struggling for a while, but you can't put your finger on why.

You don't need to arrive with a list of problems or a clear idea of what you want to achieve.

Sometimes, the first step is simply having the space to talk about what's going on.

We can work things out together.

I won't tell you what to do

This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions about therapy.

People sometimes think that a therapist will tell them what they should do.

Should I leave my relationship?

Should I change my job?

Should I cut someone out of my life?

Should I stop worrying?

I wish it was that easy!

But I don't believe my role is to tell you how to live your life.

You are the person who has to live it.

What I can do is help you explore what's happening, understand your thoughts and feelings, notice patterns and consider what might be important to you.

Sometimes, you might already know the answer but find it difficult to trust yourself.

Sometimes, you might not know the answer at all.

And sometimes, there isn't a straightforward answer.

Therapy can give you the space to explore all of that, without someone telling you what you should do.

You don't have to talk about your childhood

Another thing I wish more people knew is that therapy doesn't have to be about your childhood.

Of course, our past experiences can influence how we feel and respond to things now. Sometimes it can be helpful to explore where certain patterns come from.

But if you've come to therapy because you're struggling with work, a relationship, anxiety or something happening in your life right now, that's okay too.

We don't have to go digging into the past if that's not what you want or need.

Therapy is about what matters to you.

You don't have to cry

I think there's sometimes an expectation that therapy means sitting in a room crying.

And whilst tears can be part of therapy, they don't have to be.

You might laugh.

You might get frustrated.

You might talk about something that happened at work.

You might spend an entire session trying to work out why something is bothering you.

You might not feel much at all.

There isn't a right or wrong way to experience therapy.

And you don't have to perform your emotions for me.

Sometimes therapy can feel uncomfortable

I want to be honest about this one.

Therapy isn't always going to feel comfortable.

Sometimes, talking about things we've avoided or looking at patterns that aren't helping us anymore can feel difficult.

There might be moments where you feel frustrated, emotional or unsure.

And that's okay.

But I also don't believe therapy should feel like someone is constantly challenging you or pushing you before you're ready.

For me, it's about finding a balance between offering support, being curious and, when it feels appropriate, gently challenging things that might be getting in your way.

The relationship we build matters.

You should feel able to tell me if something doesn't feel right.

You can be yourself

This is probably one of the things I value most about therapy.

You don't need to impress me.

You don't need to have the right words.

You don't need to pretend you're having a good day when you're not.

You can come to therapy tired, frustrated, confused or unsure.

You can talk about the things you're proud of and the things you're not so proud of.

You can change your mind.

You can take your time.

And you can be yourself.

I don't expect you to have everything figured out.

I don't have everything figured out either.

Therapy isn't about fixing you

I don't believe people are broken.

I think we all have experiences that shape us, ways of coping that we develop and things that we sometimes struggle with.

Some of those ways of coping might have helped us at one point in our lives, but might not be helping us now.

Therapy can be an opportunity to understand ourselves a little better.

To notice what we need.

To explore what matters to us.

To become more aware of the things that might be holding us back.

And perhaps to find a different way of doing things.

But it isn't about becoming a perfect version of yourself.

It's about understanding yourself and deciding what you want your life to look like.

So, what do I wish more people knew?

I wish more people knew that therapy is for them too.

You don't have to be at breaking point.

You don't have to have a diagnosis.

You don't have to know exactly what's wrong.

You don't have to be good at talking about your feelings.

You don't have to be perfect.

You just need to be willing to take that first step.

And if you're feeling nervous about starting therapy, that's okay too.

We can talk about that.

If you're thinking about therapy but aren't sure where to start, I offer a free 15-minute consultation where we can have a chat about what you're looking for and whether I might be the right therapist for you.

Michelle Charlesworth Therapy

BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and Clinical Supervisor

Counselling and Psychotherapy in Greenwich, London & Online