What I’ve Learned From Sitting With People in Their Hardest Moments

Over the years, I’ve sat with a lot of people during some really difficult moments in their lives.

People who are overwhelmed. People who are grieving. People who have been hurt by others. People who have lost confidence in themselves. People who are struggling to make sense of what has happened to them, or simply trying to get through the next day.

And although I’m the therapist in the room, I’ve realised that I’ve learned a lot from the people who have trusted me enough to sit in that room with me.

I’ve learned that people are often much stronger than they think they are.

Not in the “everything happens for a reason” or “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger” kind of way.

Sometimes life is just really bloody hard.

Strength doesn't always look like being positive, getting back on your feet or turning something difficult into a life lesson.

Sometimes strength looks like getting out of bed.

Sometimes it looks like saying, “I'm not okay.”

Sometimes it looks like asking for help.

And sometimes it looks like simply getting through the day.

I've learned that we don't always know what's going on for someone

Someone can look like they are doing absolutely fine on the outside while feeling completely overwhelmed on the inside.

They might be going to work, looking after their family, answering messages and smiling at people while quietly struggling.

We don't always know what someone is carrying.

That's made me much more mindful about making assumptions about people.

We never really know the full story.

I've learned that people don't need fixing

This is probably one of the biggest things I've learned as a therapist.

When someone we care about is struggling, it's very natural to want to make things better for them.

We want to give advice. Find solutions. Tell them what they should do.

But sometimes people don't need us to fix anything.

They need somewhere they can talk.

They need someone to listen without immediately jumping in with an answer.

They need to be able to make sense of things in their own time.

And sometimes, they need someone to sit alongside them while they work out what they want for themselves.

I've learned that change rarely happens overnight

Therapy isn't usually one big lightbulb moment where everything suddenly makes sense.

Sometimes change is really subtle.

It's noticing that you spoke to yourself a little more kindly.

It's recognising a pattern you hadn't noticed before.

It's saying no when you would usually say yes.

It's realising that something isn't your responsibility.

It's feeling able to make a decision without asking everyone else what they think.

It's noticing that something which used to completely overwhelm you doesn't have quite the same hold over you anymore.

Those small changes matter.

I've learned that people know themselves better than they think they do

I don't believe that I am the expert on my clients' lives.

I might have knowledge, experience and training, but they are the person who has lived their life.

They know what it feels like to be them.

Sometimes people have spent so long listening to everyone else's opinions, expectations and ideas about who they should be that they've lost touch with their own voice.

Part of my role is creating enough space for them to hear that voice again.

I've learned that being heard can be incredibly powerful

We all need somewhere we can say the things we don't always feel able to say elsewhere.

The things that don't make sense.

The things we feel embarrassed about.

The things we're angry about.

The things we haven't told anyone.

The things we keep thinking we shouldn't feel.

Being listened to doesn't magically make everything better.

But being able to speak honestly, without judgement, can be incredibly important.

Sometimes just having someone say, “I can understand why that might have felt difficult for you,” can change how we see ourselves.

And I've learned that therapists are human too

I think there's sometimes an idea that therapists have everything figured out.

We don't.

I have my own experiences, my own relationships, my own difficult days and my own things I'm still learning about myself.

Being a therapist doesn't mean I have somehow reached a point where life doesn't affect me anymore.

If anything, sitting with people through the highs and lows of life has reminded me that none of us have it all figured out.

We're all human.

And perhaps that's one of the things I value most about the work I do.

I don't sit opposite someone thinking, “I know exactly what you should do.”

I sit alongside them with curiosity, compassion and the belief that there is a person underneath the worry, the anxiety, the expectations, the self-doubt and everything else they may be carrying.

Sometimes people just need a little space to find that person again.

And I'm very grateful that I get to be part of that process.

If you're thinking about therapy and wondering whether it might be right for you, you don't need to have everything worked out before you get in touch. You can simply start with a conversation.

I offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what you're looking for and whether I might be the right therapist for you.