Being a Therapist Doesn't Mean I Have It All Figured Out

When people find out I'm a therapist, I sometimes wonder what they imagine.

Maybe that I always know what to say.

That I'm really good at managing my emotions.

That I never overthink things.

That I have healthy boundaries all of the time.

That I don't get stressed, frustrated or have moments where I think, "What on earth am I doing?"

I hate to disappoint you...

I don't.

I'm a therapist, but I'm also a person.

I have my own experiences, my own relationships, my own stuff to work through and, like everyone else, there are times when I don't know what I'm doing either.

And actually, I think that's important.

I don't believe therapy is about having all the answers

One of the things I love about being a therapist is that I don't see my role as telling people what they should do.

I don't have a magic answer.

I can't tell someone whether they should leave their relationship, change their job, cut someone out of their life or make a particular decision.

And I don't think I should.

You are the person who has to live your life.

My role is to sit alongside you while you make sense of it.

Sometimes that means helping you notice patterns you hadn't seen before. Sometimes it means giving you the space to say something out loud for the first time. Sometimes it means gently challenging something that might not be serving you.

And sometimes it means sitting with you in the uncertainty when there isn't an obvious answer.

Being a therapist has changed me too

Over the years, both personally and professionally, I've learned a lot about people.

I've learned that what we see on the outside rarely tells us the whole story.

I've learned that people can be incredibly capable and still struggle.

That someone can look like they have everything together while feeling completely overwhelmed inside.

That people pleasing can look like kindness.

That being independent can sometimes mean finding it very difficult to ask for help.

That saying "I'm fine" can mean a lot of different things.

And I've learned that sometimes the person who seems to be coping the best is actually the person who is exhausted from holding everything together.

I've also learned that people don't need fixing

This is probably one of the things I believe most strongly about therapy.

I don't think people are broken.

I don't think you need to become a different person to be worthy, lovable or enough.

Sometimes we develop ways of coping because, at the time, they helped us get through something.

People pleasing might have helped you feel safe.

Keeping everyone happy might have helped you avoid conflict.

Being independent might have meant you didn't have to rely on someone who wasn't reliable.

Keeping your feelings to yourself might have felt easier than being vulnerable.

The problem isn't necessarily that these things once helped us.

It's whether they are still helping us now.

Therapy isn't about becoming a perfect version of yourself

I think there can be a lot of pressure to constantly work on ourselves.

To be more confident.

More productive.

More positive.

More resilient.

Better at communicating.

Better at setting boundaries.

Better at managing our emotions.

And of course, growth can be a really positive thing.

But I don't think we need to spend our entire lives trying to become some perfect version of ourselves.

Sometimes therapy is about getting to know yourself a little better.

Understanding why you respond to things in the way you do.

Being kinder to yourself.

Working out what matters to you.

Learning to trust yourself.

And perhaps realising that you don't need to keep changing everything about yourself.

Maybe some parts of you were never the problem in the first place.

I still have things to learn

One of the things I value about being a therapist is that I'm still learning.

Training, supervision, conversations with colleagues and, most importantly, the people I work with all teach me something.

I don't believe that having qualifications means you've finished learning.

If anything, the longer I do this work, the more aware I am of how much there is to understand.

Every person who sits in front of me has their own story, their own experiences and their own way of seeing the world.

I don't want to assume that I know what their experience is.

I want to be curious about it.

So, what do I believe about therapy?

I believe you are the expert in your own life.

I believe you deserve to be listened to without judgement.

I believe that sometimes we need someone to sit alongside us before we can work out where we're going.

I believe that our past experiences can influence us without having to define us.

I believe that boundaries don't make you selfish.

I believe that asking for help isn't a weakness.

I believe that you can be struggling and still be doing really well.

And I believe that therapy doesn't have to be about fixing you.

Maybe it's about finally having the space to understand yourself.

And perhaps, from there, deciding what you want your life to look like.

That's one of the things I love about being a therapist.

I don't have all the answers.

But I get to sit with people while they find some of their own.